I have to admit something to y'all. I can be a scaredy cat. Fine. I AM a scaredy cat.
I know, it's embarrassing. So, one of my fears is chicken. I will hug and squeeze and pet live chickens, but when it comes to raw chicken meat.... not so much.
I seldom cook chicken for the sole reason that I don't like touching it, and I always overcook it to a tough and nasty consistency. Notwithstanding, I like a challenge so I have recently been conquering my distaste for cooking poultry by roasting a whole chicken. Some of you might be asking yourself, "why doesn't she try searing up a chicken breast first instead of going for the whole enchilada?" Because I like to go big y'all. (Remind me to tell you the story about when I had to hook a live worm for the first time. No, it wasn't 1996...it was like 3 months ago.)
A few weeks ago I roasted a chicken and quite honestly, I surprised myself. It was literally finger lickin' good. So here's how it goes down:
BOW CHICKA WOW WOW CHICKEN:
- 1 whole chicken (I go all granola here and get the free-range, hormone free, raised in a chicken mansion with daily relaxing aromatherapeutic massages)
-1 bunch of your choice of herb, (the legal kind...or not, whatever I'm not here to judge). I like to use Sage or Rosemary.
- 1 preheated oven to 450
-6-7 roughly chopped cloves of garlic (another anti-vampire recipe...you're welcome again)
-Veggies of your liking. I recommend carrots, beets, potatoes, corn, turnips, anything roastable. (yep,that's a word...to me!)
-Salt. I always cook with "Celtic Sea Salt". Sounds majestic, no? Well, I believe it has more flava and it's also apparently better for you. Buy it here.
-Lemons. I go wild here. 2-3 lemons, washed, sliced, and ready to rock. I also set aside one whole lemon to squeeze over the bird. A lemony bird bath.
GET 'ER DONE:
-Stick your hand down into the nasty chicken cavity and pull out all the crazy things they stuff in there. Gag a little maybe. Wash the chicken WITH WATER, not soap you sillies. THEN wash your hands furiously with scalding hot water and soap #fordays.
-Rub salt all over that bird. Cut some small holes in the skin, shove garlic down there and whatever herbs you're using. Crack some pepper on there as well. (repeat obsessive hand wash)
-Place 3-4 lemon slices and remaining garlic in the cavity. Place your lemons wedges all over the bird. (hand wash)
-Now, if you want to be naughty (it IS "why not Wednesday" so go ahead) put a few little slices of butter on top of the skin. (hand wash)
-Place your veggies all around the birdie. Squeeze the lemon over errrrrthang. And sprinkle your veggies with some salt as well. (hand wash)
-I like to add a dash of veggie or chicken broth to the bottom of the pan to avoid sticking. This is up to you, different strokes, different folks.
Finish it off with a final hand wash (your hands may or may not be raw by now) and then proceed to obsessively clean and sanitize all surfaces for fear of salmonella and bird flu.
SO IT SHOULD LOOK LIKE THIS:
When your oven is at 450, pop in the bird, and let it roast at 450 for 20 minutes. After the 20 min, lower the temp to 375 and go for about 1.5 hrs. Your meat thermometer should say the meat is 165 degrees. When you think it's done, pop it out and let her rest. She's tired and hot. If you think your veggies need to go longer (usually not the case) then transfer them to a sheet and roast for however longer you may need.
VOILA. Chicken mastered.
The grocery had the weeniest corn, so I'm not happy with what happened here. Also, I'd like to point out that I did not cook a mutant chicken, the neck is just resting next to a leg. I realize how that sounds, but there's nothing I can really say/do to make you feel better right now other than to say....